the only thing i could think of when the clock chimed midnight, fireworks and crackers going off everywhere: thank god it's over. adios 2010! auf nimmer wiedersehen. what a shitty year. and it went down the drain with icy baileys, beer and clear tab water. the food kind of tasted like nothing, ashes, i don't know. i wasn't hungry, just exhausted.
2011 started great, i got a spark into my eye and the damn thing wouldn't stop hurting and tearing up for the rest of the night.
god, i hated 2010. while everyone was outside as i tried to cry out the pain in my eye on the couch, i kind of wanted to die for a second or two. not only because of the spark, but also because i realized i had developed a lot of resentment towards last year. it grew slolwy over months, i am sure, into some black, acid ball of loathing that sits there, somewhere between stomach and ribcage, like some kind of lich (...).
man, it was just full of failures
and regrets
and wrong decisions
too hastily formed opinions
laziness
guilty tears
hate and all kinds of rainbow coloured shame plus a disturbed, tilted world view that burned down bridges quicker than you can say "OBJECTION!"
the horoscope predicted a year full of changes. changes it were, but for the better? questionable. to me, it was a complete waste. i'd like to erase it from my memory to never have to relive that utter disappointment that i have become.
i am not proud of anything i did in 2010, tbh.
not a single thing.
i wished i had started with a different attitude, things would have turned out well. SO WELL.
:|
and the worst thing? 2011 will be the natural consequence of 2010. makes me want to scream. fear anger and despair~ oh yay. but that's self-contempt for you.

I can't believe my first entry in months is about THIS, but I just have to get it off my chest some more, because otherwise I am srsly going to explode.

---

Saturday (when all the supermarkets are still open, UNLIKE SUNDAYS)
Me: *buys everything for a tuna sandwich*
Dad: You don't need to buy any tuna, we have two cans *over phone*
Me: Uh, ok.... are you sure?
Dad: Yes, positive!
Later-
Mom: I left half of the tuna in the can, you can do your sandwich when you are hungry.
Me: Okies.
Dad: Oh noes, it will smell in the fridge. Let me help. *nomnom all of it*
Me: ... hm. I have a bad feeling about this...

SUNDAY (no gas station for miles and all supermarkets are closed)
Me: Lalala, I am hungry *_* I am going to make my super awesome tuna sandwich. Onions, toast, remoulade, lettuce... where's the tuna? ... wh-where is the second can? Hello, tuna T_T Oh no.

-20 minutes of silently crying inside later.-

Me: HELLO PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE YOU FUCKING MORON WHY DON'T YOU PICK UP YOUR MOBILE SO I CAN CARPET YOU FOR THE MISSING TUNA PROPERLY DAMNIIIIIT.... do I have to call Aunt Evi? Do I?
Aunt: He--hello? Who's there?
Me: Hiiii, happy birthday, auntie. Is my mother there?
Aunt: Why thank you, you are so sweet. Yes, surely. Do you want to speak to her?
Me: .... yes.
Mom: Uh?
Me: WHY DONT YOU PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE HOLY SHIT THERE IS NO CAN IS THERE A SECOND TUNA CAN OR NOT?
Dad from the off: In the cupboard, 's a round can.
Me: Well... there is a round can. With turkey meat in it. Oh, and sardines. Hering, too. And Nutella and honey. Gee, I don't see it. I WONDER WHY I DON'T SEE IT.
Dad: Then there's no other can.
Me: Why, thank you for that insight, Cpt Obvious. What am I supposed to do now? Hum?
Dad: Eat sardines.
Me: I hate them.
Dad: Well, then suck on your thumb. I don't care.
Me: This always, ALWAYS, happens. There has NEVER been a second can of ANYTHING. GOD. *hangs up*

I am so angry, I evolved into Hulk. No shit.
There is still no tuna, btw. I threw the food away, will take the toast and lettuce with me to the little get together tonight and then they can see how they will be able to make their OWN sandwich. I surely don't want any for the next millenia. HOLY SHIT I CAN'T KEEP IT INSIDE, THIS ANGER *needs management*

He srsly needs his eyes checked, tho. He constantly sees things that are not there or buys the wrong things etc. Also, he never apologises, never sees the fault by him, instead the things you get to hear are "Deal with it." I am never going to trust his judgement, ever again. FOR IT SURELY WASN'T THE FIRST AND WITH 150% CERTAINCY NOT THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENS


---

[edit]
2 hrs later, I feel kinda silly for this. Hm.

Mother for your derelicted
Children from your womb evicted
Grant us shelter, harbor, solace, safety
Let us in!
Let us tell you where we travelled
How our hopes, our lives unravelled
How unwelcome everywhere we've been.


I've started reading books again, like I used to when I was a teenager. Fanfictions are not cutting it anymore (but I still browse the Rorschach Kinkmeme now and then, of course ♥) and nothing better than a new, unread book in your hands. It's such a wonderful feeling to turn a page p: I cannot NOT read. Of course, none of these books are Uni-related. HAHAHA... orz

I was in a pissy mood all day, oh man. Even taking a bath in the evening didn't quench these feelings (especially after learned that I will have to go over some of the illustrations again, correcting stuff... I mean, that's only natural. That's my job, and I get paid for it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I want it to be over so bad aaah *strampel*) And since I am at my parents', I neither can play PS or computer since all my games are in Leipzig, ja danke. :C

... and give you one about RL instead. Aren't you grateful?
( Srsly, you guys. You Guys,...srsly. =_=  )
On another note: I discovered a great internet radio on Winamp. It's a French broadcast station called Fresh Radio! They play a great mix that doesn't get boring :D

I'm sorta confused why people don't speak Danish around me anymore.
Just two days in København/Roskilde had such an effect on my ears already. How particular... I want more Danish like that around me ;_;
Which reminds me... I bought Road to El Dorado in Malmö (audio tracks in Swedish, Danish, Norwegian and Finnish. LUCKY!), let's put that in <3 Also got myself a Swedish flag, haha. Will hang it on my wall soon once I have powerstrips or ... sth like that. \oo/

Swedes in Skåne are boring, btw. And grumpy. Shops close around 4pm and the teenagers don't even hang around in the city center after 8pm like normal teenagers usually do. They don't even get drunk. Just huddle together in a mall and drink coke. COKE. How pathetic.
Not moving to Sweden, that's for sure. On the other hand,... Ah, København! So many friendly, good looking, BLOND people. Celebrating, having fun. The shops remain open til around 8pm and after that there are so many people running about it's amazing and wonderful ♥♥ What wasn't so wonderful was the weather on the day back home. puella_improba puked while on the ferry to Rostock. I almost did too, it was that bad.
Also Barack Obama )8< Closing the Öresundbridge because of him, whaaaat. He's just another politician, get over yourself!

Also: I took a lot of pictures of Viking art, ships, clothes, housing, tools. Nothing else. Not even the landscape or the people. What the...I don't even...

yay amsterdam. not even 3hours here, already smoked a joint. lol.
waiting for mijeli to finally arrive.
im alllll alone hahaha, the beds are really comfy and ppl are nice
also i think i will go lie down now. i feel dizzy

Two days ago, Julie asked me for my adress. Wanted to send me something, a book I would find "highly interesting". Naturally, I was really curious and delighted, too. It's been so long since the last time we had talked.

Today I received said book, wrapped in wrapping paper with a dedication that read:

Für meine liebste RPG-lerin und das größte Fangirl von Qui-Gon und Obiwan. ;)
Lies und du wirst verstehen. *grins*

(Engl.: To my dearest RPGer and the biggest Fangirl of Qui-Gon and Obi-wan ;) Read and you will understand. *grins*)

I unwrapped the gift, now more curious than ever. Then I saw the cover...

( read more here )