Dine in the halls of heroes
27th - Nov - 2011 - 09:43 pm - Consonant Clusterfuck
logeirr: (Digimon: Tjaaa~)
As Roy said: "I feel delicate." I don't even know why, I could tear up at the next best occasion or curl into a ball and wrap myself in warm blankets. I actually want to do that most days, now that I think about it. Hmmm. Winter depression? I hardly think so. It's not your usual "All is dark and shitty, I want to die"-despair, more like a subliminal urge to hug and feel cozy and cared for?

Aside from that, I just noticed again how much I really really love the early medieval period and how badly I must go to Oslo for this really awesome master's program. Arghlaldhdbssfff. But where to take the money frommmmmmaaaaach ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

Seriously though, why is it, that there is no one I can fangirl with over Vikings, Anglo-Saxons, Thor, Loki and all that kind of shit in a really super nerdy way? Where are all the history buffs hiding?? :T My fellow students aren't much of an option to turn to. It's like talking against a wall with them ;_;

What's worse though, is how bad I got with drawing. I really got rusty, but that's not the bad part. There is simply no need or desire to do it; of course, I doodle when talking on the phone or during our Werewolf-sessions, it helps me concentrate, but actually drawing? Not so much. I have ideas and images in my head, but lack everything else. The hell is happening?

So in conclusion: Fuck you life, why do you always keep the really good things just out of my reach? >:C
1st - Jan - 2011 - 09:21 pm - SON! I AM DISAPPOINT
logeirr: (TGM: Bakerstreet)
the only thing i could think of when the clock chimed midnight, fireworks and crackers going off everywhere: thank god it's over. adios 2010! auf nimmer wiedersehen. what a shitty year. and it went down the drain with icy baileys, beer and clear tab water. the food kind of tasted like nothing, ashes, i don't know. i wasn't hungry, just exhausted.
2011 started great, i got a spark into my eye and the damn thing wouldn't stop hurting and tearing up for the rest of the night.
god, i hated 2010. while everyone was outside as i tried to cry out the pain in my eye on the couch, i kind of wanted to die for a second or two. not only because of the spark, but also because i realized i had developed a lot of resentment towards last year. it grew slolwy over months, i am sure, into some black, acid ball of loathing that sits there, somewhere between stomach and ribcage, like some kind of lich (...).
man, it was just full of failures
and regrets
and wrong decisions
too hastily formed opinions
guilty tears
hate and all kinds of rainbow coloured shame plus a disturbed, tilted world view that burned down bridges quicker than you can say "OBJECTION!"
the horoscope predicted a year full of changes. changes it were, but for the better? questionable. to me, it was a complete waste. i'd like to erase it from my memory to never have to relive that utter disappointment that i have become.
i am not proud of anything i did in 2010, tbh.
not a single thing.
i wished i had started with a different attitude, things would have turned out well. SO WELL.
and the worst thing? 2011 will be the natural consequence of 2010. makes me want to scream. fear anger and despair~ oh yay. but that's self-contempt for you.
10th - May - 2010 - 10:44 pm - No place in particular is home.
logeirr: (T&M: BRB)
Mother for your derelicted
Children from your womb evicted
Grant us shelter, harbor, solace, safety
Let us in!
Let us tell you where we travelled
How our hopes, our lives unravelled
How unwelcome everywhere we've been.

I've started reading books again, like I used to when I was a teenager. Fanfictions are not cutting it anymore (but I still browse the Rorschach Kinkmeme now and then, of course ♥) and nothing better than a new, unread book in your hands. It's such a wonderful feeling to turn a page p: I cannot NOT read. Of course, none of these books are Uni-related. HAHAHA... orz

I was in a pissy mood all day, oh man. Even taking a bath in the evening didn't quench these feelings (especially after learned that I will have to go over some of the illustrations again, correcting stuff... I mean, that's only natural. That's my job, and I get paid for it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I want it to be over so bad aaah *strampel*) And since I am at my parents', I neither can play PS or computer since all my games are in Leipzig, ja danke. :C
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